Walk with me up the Pyramid Model of Forgiveness. The steps spell out the acrostic REACH. Think of a person who has hurt you and apply the steps to REACH forgiveness. If the wound is traumatic, you might want the support of a friend or counselor as you move up the steps.
Recall the Hurt. When we are hurt, we often try to protect ourselves by denying our hurt. We think, often correctly, that if we don't think about it, it won't bother us. But if unforgiveness keeps intruding into your happiness or gnawing ulcers in your gut, consider forgiving. Recall the hurt as objectively as possible. Don't rail against the person who hurt you, waste time wishing for an apology that will never be offered, or dwell on your victimization. Instead, admit that a wrong was done to you and set your sights on its repair.
Empathize. Empathy involves
seeing things from another person's point of view, feeling
that person's feelings, and identifying with the pressures that made
the person hurt you. To empathize with
your offender's experience, write
a brief letter to yourself as if you were the other person. How would he
or she explain the harmful acts?
Altruistic gift of forgiveness. Empathy can prepare you for forgiving, but to give that gift of forgiveness, consider yourself. Have you ever harmed or offended a friend, a parent, or a partner who later forgave you? Think about your guilt. Then consider the way you felt when you were forgiven. Most people say, "I felt free. The chains were broken." Forgiveness can unshackle people from their interpersonal guilt. By recalling your own guilt and the gratitude over being forgiven, you can develop the desire to give that gift of freedom to the person who hurt you.
Commit to forgive. When you forgive, you can eventually doubt that you have forgiven. When people remember aprevious injury or offense, they often interpret it as evidence that they must not have forgiven. If you make your forgiveness tangible, you are less likely to doubt it later. Tell a friend, partner, or counselor that you have forgiven theperson who hurt you. Write a "certificate of forgiveness," stating that you have, asof today, forgiven.
Holding onto forgiveness.
When you have doubts about whether you have forgiven, remind yourself of
the Pyramid, refer to your certificate of forgiveness, and tell yourself
that a painful memory does not disqualify the hard work of forgiveness
that you have done. Instead of trying to stop thoughts of unforgiveness,
think positively about the forgiveness you have experienced. If you
continue to doubt your forgiveness, work back through the Pyramid.
"Biological Effects of Forgiveness: Baseline
& Stress Response Correlates"Joseph Neumann, Ph.D., in Psychology Service/Internal
Medicine at the James H. Quillen VA
Medical Center in Tennessee, will examine whether
forgiveness causes better psychological and
biological health. He will analyze the relationship of
forgiveness to standardized assessments of anger,
depression, anxiety, stress coping, physical health,
and social family health. Also, he will study resting
and post-stress levels of biological variables as they
relate to forgiveness.
"Interpersonal Forgiveness: The Role of Cognitive Appraisal, Empathy &
Humility" Peter Hill, Ph.D., in the Department of Psychology at
Grove City College, will investigate an individual's
right to decide to forgive or not to forgive (or seek
forgiveness). The study consists of using a survey,
interviews, and workshops to help evaluate the
measures of stress reduction. The objectives include
understanding how different people have differing
perceptions of wrongdoing, experiencing empathy
towards the other person, and being more able to
request and offer forgiveness.
"Forgiveness, Health & Well-being in the
Lives of Post-collegiate Young Adults"
Wesley Perkins, Ph.D., Professor of Anthropology
and Sociology at Hobart and William Smith College
in New York, will study people in their twenties to
forties to see if forgiveness affects their health. This
study will look at age, family circumstances, and
religious faith as factors that contribute to forgiveness.
The study will include surveys and interviews that will
last for 30 months.
"Psychosocial Effects of Forgiveness Training with Adults"Carl Thoresen,
Ph.D., professor of psychology at Stanford University, will study methods
of helping
people forgive in order to reduce hostility and anger
toward their offenders. Thoresen believes that
people who replace anger, hostility, and hatred with
forgiveness will have better cardiovascular health
and fewer long-term health problems. This project
uses assessments, interviews, and group sessions.
The study will incorporate men and women as a
means to study if gender differences exist in
forgiveness and if so to clarify those differences.
"Embodied Forgiveness: Empirical Studies of Cognitive Emotional & Physical
Dimensions of Forgiveness-related Responses" Charlotte Witvliet, Ph.D.,
professor of psychology at
Hope College in Holland, MI, proposes to study how
feeling scared, feeling like getting even, feeling sorry
for someone else, and forgiveness relate to one's
health. This is a laboratory study involving 30 males
and 30 females in an emotional imagery test. The
other study will involve 100 males and female
veterans who are seeking help. They will complete a
clinic evaluation.
"Study of the Brain Functional Correlates of
Forgiveness in Humans by Using Positron
Emission Tomography (PET)" Pietro Pietrini, M.D., Ph.D., in the Cognitive
Neuroscience Section at the National Institute of
Neurological Disorders and Stroke, will test his
hypothesis that forgiveness allows one to overcome
a situation that would otherwise be a major source of
stress both mentally and neurobiologically.
Forgiveness is thought to dramatically change the
individual's biological homeostatic equilibrium. He
will assess the neurobiological response associated
with forgiveness and unforgivingness.
"The Role of Perspective-taking in
Forgiveness"
Sara Hodges, Ph.D., in the Department of
Psychology at the University of Oregon, seeks to
address the effect of perspective-taking on
forgiveness and its limits. She hypothesized that we
judge our own behavior less harshly because of our
self-serving bias and because we know less about
others than we do about ourselves. Three major
issues will be examined: how do the past
experiences of the potential forgiver affect
forgiveness; how does the impact of the
transgression on the potential forgiver affect
forgiveness; and how does the relationship between
the forgiver and the target of forgiving affect
forgiveness. Her subject population for the study will
include couples in romantic relationships, pre-existing
social groups, and college students.
"Religion & Well-being Among Black & White
Adults: Does Forgiveness Benefit Physical
and Mental Health?"
Kenneth Ferraro, Ph.D., in the Department of
Sociology at Purdue University, will consider whether
health protective behavior, social support, and
religious consolation are other ways in which religion
is related to health. This study will consider these
three mechanisms as affecting health and well-being,
and will also focus on forgiveness independent of the
other mechanisms. The study will also examine how
forgiveness may affect the well-being of both white
and black Americans.
"The Role of Forgiveness in Positive
Adjustment to Disability"
Carol Gill, Ph.D., at the CAHP-IDHD Chicago Center
for Disability Research at the University of Illinois at
Chicago, will explore and describe the role of
forgiveness in terms of making it easier for someone
who has become physically disabled to have a
positive adjustment. The benefit of this research is
that health professionals and counselors would have
better information about the role of forgiveness
regarding positive adjustment to a disability and
could plan more effective supports for those persons.
"Basic Psychological Process Underlying
Forgiveness & Health: An HIV Paradigm"
Michael McCullough, Ph.D., a researcher at NIHR,will
determine whether there is a correlation between
interpersonal forgiving and physical health. His study
will investigate whether forgiveness in the context of
the marital and romantic relationships of people living
with HIV/AIDS might be a major factor leading to
slowed disease course, and improved well-being
among this group of medically ill patients. He hopes
this will ultimately lead to the development of a
cost-effective psychosocial treatment to help people
living with HIV/AIDS adjust. This study also suggests
that there are at least two mechanisms responsible
for the capacity to forgive. They include disclosing
negative thoughts and forgiveness.
"Forgiveness & Biopsychosocial Well-being
in Persons Living with HIV/AIDS"
Robert Redfield, Ph.D., at the Institute of Human
Virology at the University of Maryland in Baltimore,
will study whether mental, spiritual, and social factors
affect the health and in-vivo immunological functions.
He will also see whether there is forgiveness given to
people with HIV, by society and by themselves, and
how that affects them taking their medicine regularly,
having a good way of handling their disease, and
taking care of themselves.
"Forgiveness & AIDS: Accepting the
Diagnosis, Assuaging the Blame"
Brian Childs, Ph.D., at the Georgia Baptist Medical
Center, will examine the patient's psychological
well-being in terms of how it relates to his or her
resolution of the blame, anger, and guilt associated
with disease and with the successful development of
a personally meaningful framework for forgiveness.
He hopes to relate this increase in psychological
adjustment with higher levels of physical and
behavioral functioning and with more successful
adjustment to having HIV/AIDS.
"The Development of Forgiveness in Young
Children: A Prospective Longitudinal Study"
Adrian Teo, Ph.D., in the Psychology Department at
Whitworth College, proposes to use a longitudinal
study of three groups of children in order to
understand age-related forgiveness. This study will
also provide information for understanding and
shaping character development in children, as well
as possibly showing us how to develop forgiveness
in older individuals seeking spiritual and emotional
healing and reconciliation. Finally, he proposes to
show us how forgiveness can be developed in older
individuals seeking spiritual and emotional healing
and reconciliation, both inside and outside of clinical
settings.
"Forgiveness at the End of Life"
Porter Storey, M.D., professor of Medicine at the
Hospice at the Texas Medical Center, tests an
intervention study, which will provide preliminary
support for the effectiveness of forgiveness among
terminally ill cancer patients. He suggests that,
through forgiveness, these terminally ill cancer
patients can have an improved quality of life,
emotional well-being, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
The intervention developed for the study is based on
a model of interpersonal forgiveness developed by
Robert Enright.
Objectives: At the end of this course,
participants will 1. understand the basics of a forgiving attitude, 2.
describe the 5 aspects of a forgiving attitude from a social/spiritual
perspective.